I don’t know how long it’s been since you saw Pinocchio, but it is super weird. A brand new remake of the classic Disney animation sanitizes the aging cartoon’s more dubious elements, but still manages to be bizarre as all get-out — and in fact, this awkward mishmash of digital effects and live action adds new levels of weird.

Reuniting the Forrest Gump team of Tom Hanks and director Robert Zemeckis, the 2022 Pinocchio is streaming on Disney Plus today, Sept. 8. It isn’t showing in theaters, and the suits at Disney have rather strangely chosen to drop the film when summer vacation is already over, but they have managed to release their version before Guillermo del Toro’s stop-motion Pinocchio tells the same story (in theaters Nov. 25 and on Netflix Dec. 9).

Disney’s version specifically remakes the House of Mouse’s 1940 film. Uncle Walt’s second animated feature after Snow White, Pinocchio was the first animated film to win an Oscar, and remains a visual treat. You can watch the original on Disney Plus, but while it smoothed over the nastiness of Carlo Collodi’s original 1880s novel it still included a few quirks that will leave modern audiences wincing. So Pinocchio is the latest Disney classic to be remade for modern sensibilities and effects, following The Jungle Book, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Tim Burton’s Dumbo and more (with a new Little Mermaid on the way).

Hanks plays Geppetto, a shambling woodcarver in a bustling Italian village who wishes on a star and gets more than he bargained for when his newest puppet comes to life. There are no strings on this marionette in the shape of a little boy, but naive Pinocchio is soon pulled in all directions as he’s seduced into various unsavory adventures.

The film opens with an animated cricket narrating the story (in Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s ripe accent), only to get into a meta argument with himself about being a narrator. It just gets stranger from there. The main story abou
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